Abnormal Utility: circa μ – εуλ 1992–93
by aReadingHeart
Summary: A short story about Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis when they were teens at ShinRa. What happens when the three young SOLDIERS are off duty and some specimens escape? Certainly nothing to make the janitor's life easier. And nothing that makes Hojo's life easier either. Rated T for some language and monster guts. Note: Not shounen ai/ yaoi


So, while trying to write some other drabbles for some friends, I was attacked by this plot bunny. The following is a rather long FFVII drabble with the three First Class SOLDIERS when they were teens at ShinRa.

Characters © to Square Enix, etc.

Written by aReadingHeart

* * *

**Abnormal Utility (Circa [ μ ] – εуλ 1992-93)**

"Sephiroth... _What_ are you doing?" Angeal sounded incredulous as he stared at his very calm silver-haired friend.

"It should be perfectly obvious," came the placid reply accompanied by a steady metallic clicking.

The dark haired teen could not help but watch the hypnotic motion of the slender metal rods in Sephiroth's hands. The constant clicking softly echoed through the study lounge that the three young SOLDIERS used when not in classes, or otherwise engaged in company dictated activities. Shaking his head a little, Angeal slowly walked across the mid-sized room to the fridge, cautiously circling around the armchair his barefoot friend was occupying. Sprawled across the armchair with a leg over one side and his hair dangling over the other, Sephiroth either did not notice his deliberate avoidance, or simply chose not to comment on it Both options disturbed Angeal. Retrieving a can of juice from the refrigerator, he wandered to one of the many bookcases looking for something, anything, to read. After a bit of browsing, he selected a book and sat on the sofa perpendicular to where Sephiroth sprawled. As the minutes ticked by, the monotonous clicking in the otherwise silent room grated on his nerves. Angeal turned to glare at the source of the irritating noise, when the rapid clack of boots on the painted concrete floor interrupted whatever he was about to say.

The door behind Sephiroth began to slide open and was rudely forced open with an impatient kick as Genesis stormed in. "I _swear_ the Literature teacher is a complete idiot." His tenor voice rang with appropriate amounts of annoyance and carefully modulated outrage. "The man not _only_ misquoted from the play he assigned us to read," a thud of books dropping on the table indicated what Genesis thought of that, "He couldn't even cite the act and scene!" Indignation was stamped on his face as he turned to face his two friends. The abused door attempted to creak shut.

Angeal thankfully noted that Genesis was still acting normal (well, relatively normal) as the young auburn haired SOLDIER continued his tirade.

"Seph, what play, act, and scene has 'My friend, the fates are cruel'?" Genesis addressed the back of Sephiroth's armchair.

The measured clicking was heard for a moment before the sliver hair twitched slightly followed by the bored response, "_LOVELESS_, Act 4, scene 1."

"See? If even _he_ knows it," a burgundy covered arm dramatically pointed at the little he could see of Sephiroth, "how the hell can a teacher not?!"

The clicking became louder and a bit vicious in response. Angeal wisely decided to say nothing.

Surprised that he received no verbal reaction, Genesis dropped his dramatic behavior and glanced questioningly at Angeal, who simply shrugged.

"Seph, what's that clicking noise?" Genesis paced over to the chair and rested his elbows on the back as he looked down to see what the unresponsive teen was doing. A short pause followed. "Are you seriously _knitting_⁈" the incredulity in his voice was completely unplanned and he looked across at Angeal for an explanation.

"I don't know what happened, I was going to ask you if Hojo did some extra tests on him or something," Angeal shrugged helplessly

"Nothing happened with Hojo, I haven't even seen the cockroach today," came the snapped reply. "Why the hell would you assume he did something?"

"Because you're knitting!" Genesis exclaimed, leaning over further to pick part of the white mound sitting on Sephiroth's chest. "Knitting _lace_!"

Abnormally bright Green eyes met teal ones as Sephiroth stopped knitting and tilted his head back to see the frown on his friend's face. He deadpanned, "Knitting is an excellent form of productive relaxation that enhances the tactile senses while training the mind to remember complex patterns." At the snort of disbelief from Angeal he continued, "And it annoys Hojo."

"So you're knitting to bug him?" Angel dryly asked.

"No." A glare tried to fry the dark-haired SOLDIER's brain. "That's just a bonus." He picked up his needles again and stared a moment at the stitches on them. "Dammit, now I lost count of them."

Angeal chuckled and returned to his reading as Sephiroth counted under his breath, trying to figure out where he was in the complex pattern. Feeling ignored, Genesis experimented with ways to wear the scarf-length piece of lace. Several minutes were spent peacefully, and a contented cat-like smile formed on Sephiroth's face as he found his spot in the pattern.

"So, it's knit two, yarn over, three together, yarn over, knit –stop tugging on it Gen– knit four then–," the obnoxious blaring of the floor's alarm system interrupted him, causing him to snarl in frustration.

Genesis turned around to look at the half-open door, partially unwinding himself from the scarf in the process. "Think the Turks set something on fire again? And why isn't the door closed."

"The door isn't closed because you kicked it," the sliver-haired craftsman sat up to finish unwinding his knitting from the actor's neck.

Before Genesis could respond, the female voice of the alarm system calmly announced, "Warning, experimental specimens are loose on floor forty-nine. Please stay in or move to a secured room with reenforced doors. I repeat, experimental specimens are loose on floor forty-nine. Remain calm, operatives are on their way to retrieve them."

All three of the SOLDIERS-in-training looked at each other as the voice repeated its message.

"It'll take at least fifteen minutes before troops actually get here," Angeal set his juice and book aside.

"And our door _is_ broken," yanking his knitting away from Genesis, Sephiroth lazily stood up stretching, smoothing wrinkles from his white shirt. "Ah, there come the screams."

Genesis rapidly crossed over to the door and stuck his head out. "Sounds like it's headed this way from the armory. I don't suppose either of you..." he turned to his friends and confirmed the lack of weapons. "Oh hell."

Sephiroth padded over to the door still carrying his knitting. Smirking as he forced the door fully open, he raced down the hall and called back, "Perhaps this will remove our weapons ban."

"I told you, it wasn't my fault!" Genesis protested as he ran after the swishing silver hair towards the source of the monster roars.

"But you sure didn't help our case any," Angeal dryly commented as he slipped a pair of brass knuckles out of his pocket.

"Hey, how'd you get those?"

"A Turk was trying to pick my lock. How'd you get that fire materia?" he glanced at the small sphere Genesis was holding.

"Oh, this? Found it outside the storage room," came the innocent reply. "After knocking over a box."

A sudden screech from around the corner of the hall intersection made them increase their pace.

"Looks like there are mostly gargoyles and–" another horrific screech interrupted Sephiroth's voice, "poison hounds here."

As the other two rounded the corner, Genesis complained, "I hate gargoyles."

"You hate anything that flies." Angeal grabbed a fleeing poison hound and smashed it into the wall.

"That's because it's too hard–duck Seph–to dodge the blood spatter!" He shot a burst of flame at an approaching gargoyle, nearly singing swirling sliver hair.

"Thank you _very_ much. We now have a _live_, flaming monster to deal with," Sephiroth sarcastically quipped as he grabbed one of the hounds by its poison whip and smashed it into the unfortunate flying creature.

"Fine, next time I'll just let it cast death on you instead!"

"Both of you, shut up and kill more monsters." A kick from Angeal shattered yet another monster's spine and launched it down the hall.

Still bickering a bit, the trio continued to enthusiastically exterminate the specimens. The probably valuable specimens. The valuable specimens that were meant for research, or had already consumed hours of the scientist's time. This was going to be fun.

* * *

A while later, down on the forty-sixth floor, a very young green-eyed boy with flaming red hair was attempting to pick the lock of the Turk director's office. His slightly older companion who was acting as lookout fidgeted a bit nervously with his sunglasses in his hands and urgently whispered, "Hurry it up, Reno. Someone'll come by."

"I _am_ hurryin', yo. Give me a break, it's a mag-strip and tumbler lock combo." The redhead frowned at his lock picks in the minuscule keyhole as he shifted in his crouching position. He sighed and reactivated the small box attached to the ID scanner on the door before fiddling with the slender metal sticks again.

Some muffled voiced filtered through the closed stairwell door just down the hall from the two boy's current position. Now on high alert, Rude watched door and his fear was confirmed when a sudden thump rattled the entire door. He hissed, "Reno!"

"Just about... There!" The lock clicked open and the boy grinned triumphantly at his friend for congratulations. Instead, Rude was staring down the hall at the heavy stairwell door that was slowly swinging open as though something was leaning on it. Something that was leaking dark blue fluid.

"What the–?" Reno gaped at the creaking door that decided to quite resisting and swung open dropping a dead poison hound on the floor.

A voice the two recognized as Sephiroth's floated through the door. "I think that was the last one."

"Crap, Reno, come on!" Rude tugged on the younger redhead who was looking in horrified fascination at the monster corpse.

"That's a Bezelcue..."

Before the two could escape, the silver-haired SOLDIER-in-training stepped into the hall ignoring the boys and leaned over to inspect dark furred creature. The young Turks froze staring at Sephiroth in disbelief.

The usually fastidiously dressed young man was a total mess. His white shirt and black trousers were shredded in several places, and he was spattered from head to foot with what had to be blood along with other miscellaneous body fluids and soot. He was also barefooted. Sweeping his sticky bangs aside leaving a blue smudge of something on his face, Sephiroth poked at the hound's mouth with a slim metal rod sticking out of a dripping bundle of… something.

Genesis clacked up the stairs into the hallway dragging a headless gargoyle behind him. "Hey, Seph ...What are you doing?" he grimaced when he turned and saw his friend calmly working over the monster. He was also blood spattered, though not quite as badly as Sephiroth, and had rather conspicuous smudges of soot on the sleeves of his burgundy jacket.

"Checking to see if this was the one Hojo was yapping about." Sephiroth used one knitting needle to pry the hound's lips back while wiggling the other in-between its rows of teeth. "Hmm, looks like it is."

"Gen, would you get that thing out of the way?" Angeal kicked one of the gargoyle's wings that was wedged in the stairwell doorway, therefore blocking his path.

"It's stuck."

"Unstick it then."

"It's disgusting and bloody."

"So are you right now." Angeal growled and kicked the wing harder, snapping it so Genesis could gingerly pull the creature out of the way.

Sephiroth stood up absently wiping off his knitting needles on his trousers and glanced at the two boys who were petrified by the door. "Ah," he blinked as if surprised they were even still there. "Do you happen to know where Hojo is?"

"He's, uh, in the Exhibition Hall. With the Pres and some other fancy people," Rude sucessfully managed to keep his voice from shaking.

"Good," a smirk slid onto Sephiroth's face. He bent and grabbed the Bezelcue's whip-like appendage and dragged it down the hallway leaving a trail of smudged foot prints and blue ichor.

Genesis followed him, bowing to the Turks-in-training as he too dragged his monster away.

Angeal came last carrying... _something_ over his shoulder, his bare right arm smeared to the elbow with who knows what. "Thanks," he smiled a bit. "Oh, the east elevator is broken, by the way," and he continued after the others in the direction of the main elevator. The back of his sleeveless navy shirt was soaked with something dark and sticky.

As the footsteps faded, Reno and Rude looked at each other, then back at the mess left on the hall's walls and floor.

"Did... Did that seriously just happen, yo?"

Rude slowly nodded, "Yeah. It did."

Reno was about to reply when the door they had been lock picking swung open suddenly, making them jump. They whirled around, Reno staggering to his feet, and looked up into Veld's scarred face.

"Minus fifty on this exercise," the head of the Turks frowned at them.

"But–" Reno started to protest when Veld cut him off.

"You are to complete the mission, no matter what. Even if some SOLDIER punks are playing with monsters. You focus and finish the job!"

* * *

Down in the Exhibit Hall, Hojo was getting nervous. The bigwigs who had come to the company's presentation liked most of the ideas shown. In fact, they were eager to throw more money to ShinRa corporation to fund the new technologies and city plans. Heidegger hadn't even laughed once. Rufus was actually interested in what was happening. Something was going to go spectacularly wrong soon.

Just as President Shinra was extolling the wonders of the SOLDIER program and its marvelous opportunities, the doors at the top of the main staircase in the other room slammed open. Naturally, everyone turned to see what was happening. A muffled dragging sound followed by periodic thump signaled that someone was coming down the stairs. Two more sets of thuds joined the first, and the Turks standing guard at the doors went to investigate. There was a moment of silence during which the people in the exhibit room murmured in confusion and then the Turks returned wordlessly to their stations.

"What is going on?" president Shinra demanded.

Hojo clutched his clipboard his knuckles turning white. And his fear was confirmed.

The three young SOLDIERS finished walking down the stairs, and nonchalantly entered the Exhibit Hall. A collective gasp went out as the elite of Midgar saw the monster slayers. Rich carpets were ruined as the corpses were dragged across them, Sephiroth leaving conspicuous footprints. The trio ignored the looks of disgust and shock and walked straight over to Hojo.

"We'd like to report that the escaped specimens on floor forty-nine have been successfully eliminated," Sephiroth calmly stated.

"Eliminated." Hojo ground out the single word as though it were poison.

"Well, yes," chimed in Genesis, his theatrical persona fully in place. "After all, the safety and well being of the company employees is our concern."

"If we, as SOLDIERS, can't even do that little, how can we expect more of others?" sincerity radiated from Angeal as he looked at the frozen audience.

"Knowing that you'd want to study the results as soon a possible, we brought the three most important specimens directly to you." There could not have been a more innocently normal expression on Sephiroth's face as he shoved his poison hound corpse nearer to Hojo.

The other two also shoved and set down their grisly burdens. A few of the guests looked thoroughly sick and hurried to the exit.

The president finally recovered his voice. "How did you manage to kill them? Did you break into the armory?"

"By the goddess, no!" pure shock and righteous indignation were on Genesis' face. "We would never break an order like that. We made do with what we found."

Some of the employees still present struggled to keep a straight face.

"While it was faster than normal, apparently Experiment No. 43 is still weak against strangulation and having its eyes stabbed," Sephiroth calmly continued his report.

"Strangulation?" Hojo clenched his clipboard tighter.

"What did you stab it with?" Rufus chimed in.

In answer, the silver-haired SOLDIER lifted his left hand, the lace dangling from the knitting needles. There was silence. "Apparently, knitting needles are quite effective," he shrugged.

"Experiment No. 36a died by decapitation with multiple shards of safety glass, while No. 36b burned to death. I believe it's ashes are more or less intact in some room on the forty-eighth floor." Genesis nudged his monster forward a bit, it's broken left wing flopping awkwardly. "The wing was broken after death."

Angeal poked the monster in front of him with his boot and its ribcage promptly collapsed. "This was No. 42. I think. Maybe No. 41. Cause of death was full body blunt force trauma. Oh, and it seems their skulls aren't that strong," He raised his right arm. "Punched right through it."

The President blinked a bit trying to find something to say that was audience appropriate. "Ah… Just as expected of our SOLDIER candidates. Able to take anything in stride."

"The rest of the corpses are waiting to be retrieved. May we clean ourselves up now?" Sephiroth's voice was respectful, and his abnormally bright green eyes were locked on those of the President.

"Yes, yes, we can't have our heros covered in… the remains of monsters. You're dismissed," he waved hand at the teens, also hoping to waft the stench away from him.

The trio turned to leave, Sephiroth letting his knitting trail on the ground behind him.

An uncomfortable silence filled the Exhibit Hall once they left, and the President broke it by forcing a smile and inviting the remaining guests to have cocktails in the conference room, to continue the discussion.

* * *

The three young SOLDIERS leaned tiredly against the metal walls of one of the main elevators. Genesis began chuckling softly and Sephiroth smirked remembering the infuriated look on Hojo's face.

"How much trouble do you think we'll be in?" Angeal's voice betrayed the laughter he was trying to suppress.

"Trouble? When we singlehandedly prevented the slaughter of ShinRa employees?" the actor looked shocked and hurt by the possibility. "Oh, Seph, I think you have something stuck in your hair."

"Who knows," the longhaired teen allowed Genesis to pick through a very sticky section of silver hair. He smirked with satisfaction. "But Hojo's report will be hilarious. I can just see him writing down the causes of death: Knitting needles and lace."


End file.
